Searching for Motivation

So these past few days I was lazy and unmotivated. I ate pizza and didn't have to count it in my calorie log. It was rather nice, and yet I was saddened by my lack of discipline and the possibility that I would really throw away all the hard work and progress I had made.

So I searched for some motivation. I read all my past blog posts to see why I started in the first place. I loved my determination and was also able to see all the ups and downs I have had through this process. And those won't go away. I will never be completely motivated or excited to work hard every day, but sometimes you just need to do it anyway.

I also read part of this book about being physically and spiritually healthy. One part that stood out to me:
"though exercise and staying in shape require a lot of work and even regular pain, not being in shape requires its own pains and labors. If I'm going to hurt in this fallen world...I'd rather hurt and be sore getting in shape than hurt and be sore because my body isn't fit." Gary Thomas, Every Body Matters

So I started back on track on Monday. I counted calories and stayed under budget. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and did this killer arm work out.

Do it here

Tuesday, although I was sore, I did 30 minutes of my pilates tape. I only said, "I hate you" once to the lady. Progress, right?

Tuesdays are my weigh in day...but I wasn't able to do it today.

Why?

Because my husband threw away our scale.

He said, "it is wrong and has brought sadness."

So he threw it in the garbage. I didn't know what to do and was shocked that he would throw it away, just like that! And yet, I loved what he showed me through this action. First of all, I need an ACCURATE scale to show me my progress. Secondly, I can't solely base everything off numbers since they CAN change based on water, meals, hormones, etc.

New plan. Get an accurate scale and weigh myself once a month instead of every week. If I am making progress, this should be seen no matter the day's circumstances.

So although I am not super stoked to get my butt kicked during workouts and be super disciplined, I know it is what I need to do. It is the right thing, it is my goal and I need to stick to it and see it through. I would rather deal with this pain than the pain and sadness I feel when I am tired, out of shape and can't fit into my cute outfits. And I truly believe I will be more effective if I am fit and healthy: a better nurse, better wife, better able to serve and a better mom in the future. So here I start again...whether I feel like it or not, I'm doing it.

Setbacks

I was right. The scale WAS lying to me. I had a routine check up at the doctor's office and their scale showed me 5 pounds heavier. I went to my parents scale...5 pounds heavier. Mine? 5 pounds lighter.

Instant discouragement.

Yes, I have lost weight since my scale has been reading less, but now I have further to go and more to lose than I originally thought. Seeing those old familiar numbers at the office virtually erased any progress I felt I had made. I know I have lost weight, but I have also lost motivation.

I haven't counted calories for the past few days. And it's too hot to exercise or be inspired to move at all.

At this moment, I can't conjure up any inspiration or desire to continue.

I usually end on a positive note, but I just can't bring it out today. And that can be part of this struggle. Some days...ZERO motivation.

I am not going to freak out and resort back to my old habits. I think I am just idling right now...waiting for a green light and desire to hit the accelerator again.

For right now? I am just sitting in traffic...without A/C.